Me to Starlets: STFU . An Open Letter to Paris and Co.
This is an open letter to Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan:
Now that Anna Nicole Smith is out of our lives (even though Entertainment Tonight STILL gossips on) you starlets of Hollywood are in a sick and twisted race to the spotlight. We get it. Srsly, we get it. Where has your dignity gone? Rather than demonstrate your blessed skill in acting / singing, you have all “jumped the shark” and have realized that in order to maintain the level of stardom which you have achieved, you must create internet / tabloid buzz by shocking us with your lucrative body parts and “out of control” behavior.
Let us revisit the events post Anna Nicole Smith’s death (Feb 8, 2007):
Brittany Spears lost it shortly after Anna Nicole Smith’s death and checked into rehab Feb 20, 2007.
Paris Hilton is going to jail for 45 days for drinking and driving by June 5th, 2007.
Lindsay Lohan caught for drinking and driving as well as posession of cocaine May 27, 2007.
I see a bit of a trend here between you attention whores and well I’m kinda sick of it. While you bimbo’s expose the fact that you occasionally “forget to wear underwear” to the paparatazzi, wars are being fought around the world. Everything you say or do publicly is studied and scrutinized by obsessed fanatics yet you drive around The Hills drunk and high on crack. Is this really newsworthy? Have you no dignity? I wonder if Paris Hilton will have her own show on FOX called “Paris Goes to Jail”…kinda like Ernest Goes to Jail, but sluttier. 45 cameras all over her jail cell 45 days straight!!!
Here are some tips to keep you classy broads out of the slammer / rehab:
1. Hire drivers to cart your ass around while you get “crunk“
2. Don’t ever carry cocaine drugs anywhere, have one of your friends hold it for you.
3. Seriously, don’t cry and tell the media that you’re going to be a “good girl” from now on…hoping that you will receive sympathy from the rest of the world.
Normally I would add “…cause no one cares…but sadly enough, there are entire television networks which show celeb gossip 24/7. *insert vomit sound effect here*
Srlsy, STFU
kthxbye.
